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Cracked Rap
Cracked Rap is a rap song conceived by Dick Kulpa, written by Barry Dutter and performed by Noel Anderson as "CrackedRapper". It was released on the Cracked.com web site in 2001, coinciding with Kulpa's purchase of the magazine. Initially, it could only be downloaded using a code found in the print edition of the magazine. Lyrics ("Let's-let's-let's-let's listen") We're Cracked We're Cracked You know that it's a fact We're Cracked We're Cracked And now we're comin' back We're Cracked We're Cracked You know this ain't no whack We're Cracked We're Cracked There's somethin' outa whack 'Cause we're Cracked ("Yeah, that's right, boy-eee") Cracked is a funny humor magazine ("Yeah, boy-eeee") It's the nuttiest thing you've ever seen It started way back in '57 With the top dog, the main man, John Severin Exclusive gags and parodies It's better than some old moldy chee-eese Gags and puns and phat satires It's the number one mag, you know I ain't no liar Cracked like a window Cracked like a mirror Cracked like a number Could I make it any clearer? We ain't sick or crazy or nuts ("that's right") You'll laugh so hard, you'll fall down on your butts Yeah, reading this mag will never make you sad You gotta buy Cracked, so don't get mad Read this mag and save it in your attic We'll turn the whole world into Cracked fanatics To buy this mag you gotta be a little whacko But Cracked is better for you than tobacco We're Cracked We're Cracked We're sendin' in a fax We're Cracked We're Cracked To see how you react We're Cracked We're Cracked You know we got the knack We're Cracked We're Cracked We'll seal it in a pact We're Cracked Cracked was started by an early editor He needed a mascot so he hired a janitor Sylvester P. Smythe is our head of sanitation Hottest thing around, he is sweeping the nation Sylvester's not alone, he's got a lot of friends Mr. Precious just died again ("died again") Simpky Dumpkins, the world's most hated man And Naked Guy does whatever he can ("that's right") Butch the bully is kind of shady And Joe Studd goes with all the ladies Klugg the Caveman will bring you joy And so will that superhero Wedgie Boy So buy Cracked at your favorite magazine store You'll fall down laughing, they'll have to sweep you off the floor If you can't find it, you don't have to pay a bribe We'll mail it every month if you subscribe It's the phattest humor mag you ever read If you don't read it, you're cracked in the head You can read it in school or at home with your mom Check us out on the web at Cracked.com This mag is crude, but it's never rude It's got a bold new attitude It's better than it ever was before It's not your father's Cracked no more ("Let's-let's-let's-let's listen") We're Cracked We're Cracked You know that it's a fact We're Cracked We're Cracked And now we're comin' back We're Cracked We're Cracked You know this ain't no whack We're Cracked We're Cracked There's somethin' outa whack 'Cause we're Cracked